Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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