Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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