So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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