Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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