She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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