You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
