I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
