She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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