we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
