I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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