i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm passing your future prison.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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