just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
