So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
