but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
