Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
