the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
