herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
