I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
