i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
