you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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