i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Send help, water and tortillas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
