If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize