i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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