we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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