Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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