He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
