We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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