Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
