I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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