Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
