Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
