Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
