People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize