ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
is it fun? or sober?
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