Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
