YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
