Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
