You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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