So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
