Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
