You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
