one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
