Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
