im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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