I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
