are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think my vagina is haunted
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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