david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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