i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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