so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
