I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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