...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
