You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
its not stalking. its research.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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