i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
