I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
