he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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