I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
