i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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