So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
