One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
