She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
