I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he thought i was a dude.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
