Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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