I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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