Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize