I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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