No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize