I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
