HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
