Your face is a jimmy john
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
