Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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