it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
