So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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