So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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