you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
