So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
