Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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